Tuesday, 5 July 2011
Tobe Hooper's CROCODILE is a pile of shit
Film proper starts after a terrinly boring opening ten minutes of exposition/filler during which the nondescript soon-to-be eaten healthy dumb teens are introduced.
Giant crocodile messily kills two fat ugly fishermen and then proceeds to dump their car in the lake, like some sort of a reptilian Norman Bates. So we know we're dealing with a cunning, devious huge monster here.
What doesn't work:
The way CROCODILE is lit is just terrible. Lazy-TV-movie kind of terrible.
Cinematography is really dull with dead-on, unimaginative framing.
Blood takes ages to get flowing. And during the kills the editing is fucking frustrating.
It's like they didn't have any good takes so they tried to paste together the briefest flashes of violence possible from the available poor footage.
Music is sleep-inducing.
All the protagonists are mere cardboard cutouts.
I hate Adam Gierasch's sripts. He co-wrote such sad shit as DERAILED with Van Damme and Argento's sorry loser MOTHER OF TEARS. Gierasch apparently has a small acting part somewhere in CROCODILE. Fuck it, enough about that guy.
Well, the cover image of the Russian VHS release of CROCODILE kind of worked for me.
Utterly forgettable. No inventive kills. Zero tension.
CROCODILE is so flat-out-dull it's not even worth reviewing in full.
Not even at a blog called TRASHFILMADDICT.
For more giant croc mayhem read this review over at NINJA DIXON